What comes to your mind when you think of the time between Thanksgiving and New Year? Most of us are caught up in the “holiday” season. We are thinking of buying presents, putting up Christmas decorations — fancy lights, trees and so on and so on, and happy, jolly Christmas music. And yet for a segment of the population, the season that occurs between Thanksgiving and New Year is anything but happy and jolly.

One of the songs that isn’t liked very well around our house this time of year is “It’s a Holly, Jolly Christmas,” because it brings up bad memories. One of the reasons that Dale tends to preach and emphasize Advent is because of the things that have surrounded our life, especially during the holiday season. Advent is our preparation time for the season of Christmas — yes, it includes playing Christmas songs. We were listening to them this morning as I was baking cookies.

We can empathize with those who are going through difficult times at Christmas, because we have been there. Several years ago, my mom had a heart attack the week after Thanksgiving. My sister who is a pastor’s wife and brother who is a pastor, recommended “A Decembered Grief.” This book was written by Harold Ivan Smith. The purpose of the book is “living with loss while others are celebrating.” There have been several deaths and severe illnesses during this season in my family. I highly recommend this book and we have given several copies to those in our church this year who have lost loved ones.

The first year is the hardest — this is the first year during our ministry that we have had to minister to others who have lost loved ones during the year. So I do I handle this season — that can sometimes be difficult to deal with?

1. Prioritize what is important during the holidays. Only do what you can handle — others may have difficulty understanding why you are pulling back (especially when you are a pastor’s wife) — but it is important for your sanity.
2. Focus on the real meaning of Christmas. I hold my focus on Christ. Christ was not only 100% God, but 100% human. He knows every part of the human emotion and he knows what we go through. The Bible is filled with many promises. Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:28-31 NLT) It is possible to get through it with the Lord’s strength.
3. Even in the darkest hours of Christmas (and last year was a pretty dark hour,) I try to focus on the family that God has given me; not by buying lots of gifts and spending a lot of money but by making traditions. One of the newest traditions we have, it to see which Christmas card comes from the furthest distance. In the past we have received cards from Italy, Iraq, and Japan. Another tradition is to open the Christmas cards at the dinner table, but only when everyone is there — this year we have had to modify it a little because we still have a daughter at college, but once she gets home, the rule includes all five of us.
4. Another thing I do is to take care of others in need. Since our children are getting older, have have all taken this to heart. When you truly look at others who’s needs are much greater than your, you tend to forget about your own problems.
5. Enjoy times of laughter. I grew up in a family where part of the grieving and healing process is laughter. The gift of humor was taught to me by my grandmother, Mamaw (who died at Christmas 1997.) When we gather for funerals, there is a time for tears, but also a time for laughter. These might not be happy times, but they are joyful times, especially when we consider that some day, when Jesus calls us home or comes again for us (which is the second Advent) we will be reunited with those who died in Christ.

If you are one who is going through a difficult time this year, because everyone else is celebrating and it doesn’t seem they care, I encourage you to get this book.